me:  Somebody brought a bag of Hershey kisses. I have not had any, but damn are they tempting. Also did not eat my fortune cookie, which is a bummer, since the fortune was “You will inherit some money from an unexpected source.” BUT NOW I WON’T.
 Katie:  WELL FUCK.
 me:  THANKS, NO SUGAR FOR A WHILE.
 Katie:  Aww. I’d have eaten like ten billion kisses. And I don’t even like them all that much. That’s just what happens when they’re right there.
 me:  I like chocolate, they are chocolate. That’s also the problem with work. There are always little treats lying around. It’s like a motherfucking witch trail, man. HANSEL ET GRETEL.
 Katie:  Does [employer redacted] have a basement full of frightened children that they’ve lured there?
 me:  I AM THE CHILDREN
 Katie:  OH. metaphor. Gotcha.
…
 WAIT, unless it’s not a metaphor, in which case STAY AWAY FROM OVENS.